As parents, each of us understands there will come a day when our children will step into their own authority, when their choices and their destinies will be uniquely their own. But that doesn’t stop us from trying to control the outcome. It doesn’t stop us from harboring private dreams about what sort of choices and destiny will be best for our kids, nor from folding our personal hopes and aspirations into their daily lives. For some folks, that may mean pushing for academic rigor, with hopes the children will some day be able to hold down a good job.
I can’t jump on that bandwagon. My private hopes wander in another direction. I want my girls to be able to live well without a job. I want them, on a morning following an ice storm, to be free to marvel at the glistening tree branches, not to fret about whether they will make it to work alive. On a beautiful fall day, I want them free to breathe in the crisp air, marvel at the colors, kick up leaves, and find opportunities to play. I want them to be able to put their family and the earth first, to never worry about the consequences of speaking from their hearts.
In my own controlling parental way, I have come to believe that the secret to that freedom is entrepreneurial and money management skills. If Saoirse and Ula are able to work for themselves, they are free to make their own choices. If they learn to manage their money well, it can be a tool to serve their interests, rather than a dictator of their lives. I want to teach these things so much to my children, I would say it is the single greatest reason I chose to home-school them. I want to give them that space in their lives to start businesses, to experiment with using their hands and creativity to derive a livelihood, to think about how they can manifest their personal dreams through their own skills and talents.
And it is probably because I want these things for them so badly that I have done a such a lousy job teaching them.
I think it started with money management. I wanted to teach Saoirse how to earn money, then save it for something she valued. But the conundrum of my own creation is that much of what our family does for pleasure, fun and sustenance has very little to do with money. Consequently, for Saoirse, money had little value. She never saw gift catalogs, we didn’t take her to the shopping mall, she rarely saw advertisements or commercials. She was blissfully unaware of the allure of aspiration. And thus, she had very little interest in learning anything about money.
So I actually made a conscious choice, against my better judgement one year on Black Friday, to take her Christmas shopping to show her a toy store. That sparked her interest in money. And then I had a small monster to reckon with.
She wanted me to pay her for gathering kindling in the forest. If I asked her to clear the table, she wanted compensation. If I asked her to pick up clothes lying on the floor, she wondered how much she could get for that service.
Needless to say, that plan backfired. Bob and I found ourselves repeatedly infuriated that our daughter should feel entitled to compensation for the things we had to do for free. We let the subject die, and Saoirse eventually reverted to her former peaceful self, contented with recycling garbage into crafts, reading books from the library, and helping out when asked.
And then along came Ula, who almost from the time she could talk, took an interest in money. She loved to help me with farm sales, to feel the coins and bills with her fingers, to play at transactions. And with that interest in money came an impulsive spirit. If she earned a dollar from Grammie for washing eggs, she would find the kid section at our food coop and plead for a loan to cover the balance for whatever bauble caught her eye. For every dollar Ula manages to earn, she puts herself five dollars into debt.
Saoirse is content to exist without money, and would pass her time in quiet pleasures, unperturbed by its presence or absence. Ula prefers to feel it flowing through her fingers at all times, and will work steadily toward that aim.
Last year Ula made felted soaps, sold them, then spent all her cash on a Barbie doll. Saoirse made a few hand-dipped candles and gave them away to people she liked, rather than asking for payment. Bob and I would try to coach and coax them into making different decisions, but we felt we had to let the kids make their own choices, since they had done the labor.
To balance out their pecuniary and entrepreneurial education, Bob and I wanted to figure out how to inspire Saoirse with some kind of goal to apply her creative skills toward earning money, and we wanted to inspire Ula to learn how to save her money. But how?
The answer came from from them, and a most unlikely place.
At dinner two weeks ago, Saoirse and Ula informed Bob and me that they would like our next family vacation to be a trip to Disney World.
Oh, no. Evil. Corporate. Wasteful. (But admittedly quite appealing in the fun department.)
Bollucks.
I tried the easy way out. “We can’t afford it.”
“How much would it cost?” Saoirse was taking the lead on this one.
We finished up supper, hopped on the internet, and checked it out. We added up how much money our family typically spends on a vacation, and decided that a week at Disney would cost $2000 more than we would ordinarily afford.
“If Ula and I can come up with that money, will you take us?”
Bob and I locked eyes. What were we to do? Forbid a trip to the Mouse because we think it represents the dark side of American culture? Or do we use it as an opportunity to let Saoirse and Ula team up together to practice managing their money and coming up with entrepreneurial ventures?
Bob called it. “Go for it,” he said out loud. The girls immediately set to work making plans. Bob leaned over and whispered to me, “If they work hard to earn it, they might evaluate Disney differently after they’ve spent all their income on it.”
“But they’ll know they can earn it,” I added.
Ula began madly trying to scribble out murals on Kraft paper that she planned to sell as major artworks. Saoirse and I sat down to crunch numbers on the income potential for felted soaps, candles, a dog biscuit venture, or selling handmade woodland spirits. We laid out a tentative business plan for the coming year. Bob sat with Ula and tried to coach her out attempting to sell scribbles on Kraft paper.
By the end of the week, the girls had settled on the first phase of their plan. Saoirse would make woodland spirits from objects found in the forests and fields, Ula would go through her art folder to select some favorite pictures to make greeting cards (which, as you can see, are now offered online…). From there, they would move into dog biscuits and other crafts. They found a half gallon mason jar, taped the words “Family Disney Vacation” to the outside, then agreed to pool all their profits toward this shared goal.
Right now, Bob and I have to step back a little. Disney doesn’t reflect our values, that is for certain. But what Saoirse and Ula are showing us is that this is one of those times where they are ready to take on some more of their personal authority. They have a goal. And what matters most right now is that they learn they have the power to achieve it through their own creativity and initiative, and that they still get to marvel at the beauty of fall, the splendor of an ice storm, at the joys closest to their hearts. And later on, if it means a trip to Florida, well, I guess we’ll get to go along for the ride.
This essay was written by Shannon Hayes, whose blog, RadicalHomemakers.com, is supported by the sale of her books, farm products and handcrafts. If you like the writing and want to support this type of creative work, please consider visiting the blog’s farm and book store.
To view Ula’s Greeting Cards and support Saoirse and Ula’s entrepreneurial ventures, click here.
Feel free to click on any of the links below to learn about Shannon’s other book titles:
I’m with you, Shannon. “Mousewitz” (yes, like Auschwitz: so-called because of its slave-driving mentality in the animation department, its pittance of pay to creators, the stealing of their creations and ideas and trademarking them, and its rabidly evangelical Christian worker ranks) is one of the most vile, greedy, wasteful, negatively stereotypical, horrifically brainwashing places on the planet. Promise your kids anything in the world to forget this — let them know just what they want to give their money to — but do not take them to anyplace that puts money in the Rat God’s pockets.
I wish I could express my feelings as you do Shannon! My reasons for homeschooling have developed into those similar to yours. I don’t feel an “education” achieved through school and university in order to have a job you will probably not enjoy and spend too much time in is the way to go. I also want my kids to be able to have the time to do the things they like and therefore figure out what they would and could do in the future. It’s very hard when talking to some of my friends – they are so oriented towards an education and the “top job” that you will achieve because of it. It’s as if they don’t hear my words or understand them.
Like Ula, my son Tom who is 8 would be seriously motivated by money (at times). I stopped giving him and Emily pocket money and they didn’t seem to realise it! I found Tom would find something to spend it on straight away and not even contemplate saving (his is like his mother in that way!) so just stopped giving it. But I think if we live it, they will too but will also need to figure it all out by doing or not doing it themselves. Tom is obsessed with Lego which is so expensive but keeps a lot of its value unlike other toys. We have even laboriously found every piece from a few particular sets and then sold them online to fund the purchase of other sets. I hope in that way Tom can see the value of it.
I recently read your book Radical Homemakers and absolutely LOVED it. Very inspiring and made me realise I’m not doing too bad at the moment but have a way to go.
Natacha Weadick
(Ireland)
This is a very interesting post to me. First, because I find myself in harmony (90% of the time) with you and your family values. We just have so much in common; a love of the land, a deep desire to protect it, a love of children and family. But what is so intriguing to me is that I felt it was my job to prepare my sons for their adult life and that included educating them at the college level. My number two goals after raising them well was getting them through college or some kind of trade school. As I think this through my feelings came about, perhaps this as a result of living in the city and living a life that included education and working in business as a way of making a living. (After all business is what keep the wheels moving in a city life.)
I knew from the very beginning of their babyhood, they would need to go to college to compete in today’s world, to be prepared for a job/career and began to save for that end goal. I would have been fine if they wanted to become a plumber/electrician, a policeman/fireman,a computer technician or even a farmer just as long as they had a way of supporting themselves and did not become a drain on society. In my mind, their education did not depends on a four year liberal arts degree. It was instead preparation to support themselves.
Perhaps if we had lived on a family farm keeping that farm going another generation might have instead been our livelihood goal, but that opportunity was just not there for us as my grand parent sold the family farm to have their retirement. I guess this is where “nurture vs. nature” comes into play.
When my son at age 12 told me he would never be content to live in our mid-sized city (then a city of 100,000) but saw himself in a large city like Chicago/Seattle/Portland I knew what his future held and that held a future living far away from me, That made me sad but I also knew I had raise him to be independent and to make HIS dreams come true (not mine.) Both of my sons now adults work in the technology field (that is where the jobs are) in large cities. It’s hard to live so far apart, but I made the decision to not stand in their way and be supportive. I have found that letting go is one of the hardest jobs a parent has when launching a soon to be adult kids. College is one step in that process.
I love what you have to say, Small House. I think college can be an important step. And we are not opposed to it. But our family of four lived on less than 30K last year. Out of that I scrimped and saved what I could for what used to be a “college” fund. Now it is just a “future fund,” because it will hardly cover a year’s tuition, much less the books, etc. If our kids don’t get scholarships, and they don’t want to be part of the current and forthcoming college debt crisis, then I feel we, as parents, need to prepare them for a world that is with or without college. If it happens, great. If it doesn’t, seeing that they are well educated and well prepared to make their way if a diploma doesn’t land in their lap, is my primary job.
Never before have I read anything so close to my feelings about homeschooling. My husband and I are homeschooling our two boys for all the reasons you mention and because college and post-graduate education was something that was emphasized for us though did not turn out to be what fulfilled us most. I also want my boys to have ample opportunity to volunteer for community organizations – an important lesson in perspective of how fortunate they are as well as an opportunity to develop empathy for others and learn valuable skills. I don’t know how children in traditional schools have time for these kind of things.
Awesome! We’ve gone through the same conversations. One kid ended up saving for an iPod.
I grew up in the country and have just purchased the house that I grew up in. I love being surrounded by nature and love to share it all with my grandkids. However, I have a healthy love of fun and of the mouse! Disney is a corporation just like any other large venture. It’s no different than any other park you might choose to go to. To call it Mousewitz is a bit of a stretch. I know several people who work there and have worked there and to some, it’s just a job. But to most it’s the opportunity to help create a fun memory for a child’s first visit and sometimes a child’s only visit through Make-A-Wish. Shannon, when you’re ready to make the trip, get in touch with me and I’ll be happy to give you some pointers based on the ages and likes of your kids. Being prepared is key. It makes for a much more pleasant experience and can save you hundreds. Much luck to your daughters in reaching their goal.
Yes, Enterprise. Production. Creativity. Go with their flow. Mom always said every family should own their own enterprise, that was part of what is working well in our American culture. Mom passed away this summer at the age of 83, but I think she was spot on. Most people cannot even imagine creating money without a “job”. Yes. Thank you.
This is a wonderful idea, we homeschool to prepare our kids for whatever God may call them to. We don’t like the things of this world, but we seek to teach them to live in it how they may healthfully as possible to live a decent and good life. We also teach them frugality and the pros and cons of everything, yes even Mickey Moose as we call him affectionately. Although there is much about Walt I don’t like and his large leftover demon, more good than bad has come of it and it depends on people to make the right decision. It is the journey, be it the ipod, the music lessons or anything else, they must learn and decide. Maybe they wish to be a hermit, I am okay with that too as long as it is done respectfully with the neighbors since there are really few places to hide in this world. As for Disney and epcot, please take the tours on line to find what works best, there are also many other options just outside like veggie out at your quiet outskirt motel cheaply and hang at the pool. Whatever it is take protection from the sun as it is very different from up here in the mountains but have a most excellent journey and Bon Voyage mon ami! Walt Disney inspired me greatly to be artistic, the very art I have share with hundreds of kids including my own, we as a family have used it in libraries, scouts, Special Olympics, it goes on, but it was the singing, the art, the movies and more. Our one sone is at the Crane School of Music teaching and inspiring others through classical piano and accompanying and piano on the weekends at mass and special events, he even helps other churches. In addition he has learned to be self-employed since 18 with lessons. Our oldes daughter teaches at pre-school and takes her guitar to sing, she sings to them all day and keeps their savage beasties at bay, tee hee:) Art is fun so it is ok to be a part of it, your way. Take away the good and make it for good, enjoy my friend, you only live once and you are loving their family, take lots of pictures and a few videos, those ipods are very handy as well as those phones. Make sure you post some. Best of the best to you all, Tatiana, of course many blessings to go with it for sure.