I’m out with the broilers in the second field back, watching Bob as he drives the tractor from the barnyard.  This is the last batch of chickens for the season.  

Late afternoon sun bounces off the roof as he navigates through the pastures, his big brown eyes focused on keeping the crates in the bucket loader steady.  I’m supposed to be evaluating the size of the birds, determining which ones are ready for harvest.  Instead, I’m watching him. 

“He has to make me laugh,” I announced over the phone lines from Japan to my mother back in 1995.  “He has to love being outside, he must love animals, he has to like to travel, and….he absolutely must be willing to come back to the farm with me.”

What had started out as a double-sided ten page double-columned attribute list for the ideal partner had been reduced to these five qualities.  I wasn’t seeing a lot of prospects as a school teacher in rural Japan, so I needed Mom and Dad to initiate the pre-screening process back home.  By that point I’d had an extensive dating career and a few noteworthy relationships.I was in my early twenties,  I was ready to find Mr. Right, and I had completely lost interest in Mr. Right Now.  I had grown into a happy young woman, and if a man didn’t meet the criteria as a prospective partner for the life I visioned going forward, I didn’t go past the first dinner.  

Bob was living on the coast of Maine when I met him shortly after moving home from Japan.  He was standing behind the optics counter at LLBean, talking about birding and kayaking with a customer.  I thought I might end up with a veterinarian.  Or an ag professor.  Or a fellow farmer.  But my heart was  instantly lost to the guy selling binoculars.  

In a very short period I discovered he met my first four criteria.  And a year later, when he gave up his job at LLBean to move to Sap Bush Hollow Farm, he showed me he was serious about the fifth.  And for the past 22 years, he’s kept me rich in laughter, animals, travel and farm life.  I thought I knew him.

But as that tractor rumbles into the second field and he lowers the bucket to the ground, I’m seeing a different person.

It happened one rainy night last week.  Ron and Jeanne, customers at the cafe, sent Saoirse and Ula the audition announcement for this year’s community theater production, A Christmas Carol.  I hate signing the kids up for night time activities.  I hate seeing our schedule overly-full, to feel the stress and pressure of getting to the next thing.  But Ron and Jeanne played a huge role in my life, getting me involved with community theater when I was Ula’s age.  Their investment in me coaxed my introverted soul onto the stage, where I learned to lift my voice and express myself.  Community theater engaged me with a broad cross section of Schoharie County, opening my life to friendships across generations.  It helped me develop my voice, and the confidence to deliver my message to the world.  As much as I don’t like going out at night (especially in bad weather), I know that theater is an important part of my kids’ education.  So we pulled hoods over our heads, ran to the car and drove the girls down to the auditions.  

We sat in the open room with a lot of familiar faces we recognized from previous productions, listening to excerpts from Christmas Carol read aloud.  I was focused on the girls, intent on helping them feel successful about their efforts to do cold reads.  I was only vaguely aware of Bob’s restlessness.  One minute he was leaning forward in his folding chair, nearly off the edge of his seat, watching members of the community use their voices and bodies to explore the different characters from the play.  The next minute, he’d throw himself back in the seat, seemingly willing his ass to remain connected with the metal.  I did my best to ignore him.  It was getting late, and I wanted this to finish up so I could go to bed. 

So I walked to the front of the room to whisper to Ron, who was helping Dennis, the director, with auditions.  I asked if the girls had read enough to go home.  Ron stood from his chair to speak with me, and together we looked out at the room of the future cast.  Neither of us could ignore Bob’s fidgeting on the side.  

“I think Bob’s champing at the bit,” I observed out loud.  

“Is he auditioning?”

I shook my head and laughed.  Bob?  Audition?  Ridiculous.  He moved to Schoharie County to run a business with me.  He loves animals with me.  He’s here to make me laugh.  He’s on this earth to adore me. 

Ron peered at me from beneath his bushy eyebrows as though the absurdity of my thoughts could be heard out loud.  

“Could he make the rehearsals?”  His question was gentle, but it stung.  It’s all about me.  And he was leaving it up to me to decide.  

I was so confused.  Bob had mentioned over the years being in a few plays in high school, but he’d never mentioned enjoying himself, or any desire to do it again.  “I only want to make you happy,” is the refrain I’ve heard from his lips for the past two decades.  And as Ron stood there, watching me instead of my husband, I realized how true that has been.  Everyone who knows us knows that refrain, whether or not they’ve heard the words from his mouth.  He carries that adoration for me in his eyes, his limbs, his stories.  And I like to stay home at night. And I don’t like having too much on my schedule. So that’s what he does.

I looked at Saoirse and Ula.  “Do you think we can get Daddy to audition?”  

“He has to,” they both exclaimed.  That’s when I realized they’d been pleading with him to try out  all summer.  They knew where Daddy belonged; even if I was too preoccupied to see it.

The room was thrown into upheaval.  Ron coaxed from behind while Saoirse, Ula and I dragged and pushed Bob up to the front of the room.  A script was thrust into his hands.  He opened the book, and pushed his glasses farther down his nose.   With a flick of his wrist and a few waves from his fingers, the room with  cement floors and folding chairs  changed into a Victorian counting house, where Ebenezer Scrooge stood working at his desk.  

And he was the sexiest Ebenezer I’ve ever laid eyes on. 

For me, it was like that first letter he sent me in the mail, that first phone call, our first kiss.  For the first time in our life together, I got to sit quietly in the audience while Bob moved into the spotlight.  And the funny expressions, gestures and voices that have kept me smiling and enthralled all these years were shared with the community.  

I will forever remember that rainy night as one of the highlights of my marriage.  Because in that moment, I discovered a man I’d never known.  And I loved him every bit as much as the one who’s walked beside me for more than half my life.  

Back in the pasture, Bob brings the tractor to a stop and shuts it down.  He works to load chickens, but I shove him off before we’re finished.  I don’t want him and the girls  to be late for play practice.  They drive away, leaving Mom, Dad and me to finish up.  We load the birds quietly, then Mom drives me home.  She’s trying to carry on normal conversation, but I can hardly pay attention.  Golden September light is falling all over the mountains and pastures as we drive.  Everything around us is radiant.  My head whips to the left and to the right, seizing upon every view I can, wrapt in what, surely, must be a dramatic increase in local beauty.  Has it really changed, or is it just my perspective?  I’m flooded with gratitude — for the chickens that will fill our tables this winter; for the light on the mountains that whisper to my soul; for the daily work that inspires thoughts and words; for the family that encourages me to push my boundaries; for the community members who believe that amateur theater in a small town matters as much as any broadway show; for the man who is my husband, who keeps unfolding before me, showing me that the wonders of life never stop. 

The Theater Project of Schoharie County will present Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, adapted by Romulus Linney, on November 30, December 1 and 2, 2018.  I’m very proud to share that Saoirse Hayes Hooper will play the part of  Fan, Ula Hayes Hooper will be Scrooge as a boy, and Bob Hooper will play Ebenezer Scrooge.  So I hope you’ll come see it!!!