For over a decade, this has been a purple blog: a mix of red readers and blue readers. Inevitably I periodically anger half of you with my political views. That’s okay. Because like my family and community, you continue to be part of my life. Today’s post, an open letter to my 13 year old daughter as she tries to make sense of the elections, is going to enrage a few of you. Be angry if you want. I still love you.
Dear Saoirse,
It was just after midnight when I heard you crying in the bathroom. I had given up following the race three hours before, a sinking feeling in my stomach.
Clinton wasn’t my first candidate of choice. My pick left the race a few months ago. I felt like the battle that played out last Tuesday was between status quo and repugnant. So this year, I voted status quo.
In spite of my apathy, I wanted to be with you and Ula, my daughters, to watch the first woman elected president of the United States.
In contrast to me, you, at 13, were wide awake for this election. You were horrified by the Trump Candidacy, likening his politics to Jackson’s Indian Removal Act. You couldn’t fathom the hateful proclamations directed at Muslims, at Mexicans, and at women. On your own, while your dad and I all but ignored the campaign, too cynical to follow, you wrote position papers. You penned imaginary letters to Donald Trump. You repeatedly brought his name up over dinner: How could someone be so hateful and still be considered a presidential candidate?
And in the dark hours of Wednesday morning, I witnessed your heart breaking.
It was later that day when you posed the question that sparked this letter:
How could people be so stupid?
I get it. There are a lot of people asking that question right now. But here’s something you need to remember: A lot of the people who voted for him are our neighbors, our customers, our dearest friends, our family.
Over the course of the next few days, we will sell these people turkeys, we’ll pour them a cup of coffee, and we will sit down together at the Thanksgiving table. We will worry about each other’s health, we will pray for each other’s happiness.
Many of them read my work. They’ll shake their heads at my words. They’ll raise their fists at their computer screens when they see me describe Donald Trump as repugnant. And they’ll ask the same question that you spoke:
How could she be so stupid?
And the truth is, none of us are. Indeed, when it comes to the people who share our daily lives, our values run pretty much in harmony: We value kindness. We value being good neighbors. We value clean water, the importance of building soil, the glory of fresh air. We value clean, wholesome food and the right to grow it. We want to be treated as equals. We want to be able to earn an honest living in our communities. We want to be with family. We want to feel safe. We want to trust, and we want to be trusted.
We simply disagreed on which candidate can best help us manifest these things.
But really, no president can make these things happen. It is only when we live by our values that they become the fabric of our daily lives and define our world.
These same people who voted for Trump stood beside us when we fought pipelines and hydro-fracking. They helped us save farmland. They’ve come to the farm to help when our family has confronted emergencies.
I know you fear for the future of Muslims and Mexican immigrants. I know you worry deeply about what it means to grow into womanhood after witnessing such blatant objectification of our gender by a man entrusted with so much power. I know you worry about our friends at Standing Rock, about the future of our environment.
But if you worry too much, then you are underestimating the power of all of us: of all the women who came before you who fought for equal rights, of all the women who share our nation’s borders with you now, who will not tolerate sexism. You underestimate the resolve and kindness of all the men we know, from both sides of the political lines, who would never abide the subjugation of a woman. You underestimate the power of our fellow Americans who have exercised their first amendment rights time and time again to ensure fair and humane treatment for all of us, including Muslims, Mexicans, and Mother Earth.
Donald Trump just got a temp job. The rest of us, with all our passions and ideals, have permanent appointments. We’ll always disagree over the political candidates. The trick is to keep moving forward in spite of it: to exercise our rights and responsibilities as citizens, while remaining together as family and community.
Don’t lose heart, Saoirse. Please, please, don’t lose heart. Don’t try to hide behind apathy and cynicism. Because it is people like you, and not some billionaire with a temp job, and not some career politician, who will make our nation great again. We need you now, more than ever.
Love,
Mom
Dear Saorise, Ula, Shannon, and Adele, Especially Saorise,
I want you to know that just like you, I cried that day and all the next day too. I am still having my moments. Nancy and I are both upset about what happened as you are. We feel betrayed. Even though we are strong and kind women, we are terrified for our lives now and for the lives of all women and the men who love them and for the beautiful earth. We are terrified for the safety of women like us.
Seeing the images of the girls of all ages, (which is what we are) who were so happy as they waited for a positive election outcome and for Hillary to say we had changed the world for the better, crying and mourning the loss of a chance to be seen and heard and loved and included was overwhelming. Our joy was taken away by the rude anger of people who would vote FOR someone that brazenly and openly showed everyone disrespect.
It wasn’t that Hillary was perfect, she wasn’t. It wasn’t that she didn’t have “baggage” – who doesn’t. This was about her being no better and no worse than any of the 44 male Presidents who came before her and that she… WE, were deserving of a chance. Hate stole that chance and rather than be generous and allow for women to lead, the haters just couldn’t find it in their hearts to let us have that chance. The haters don’t even realize they were conned too but they’ll find out!
Hatred is a powerful but cowardly way to feel. It comes from fear and ignorance. It cannot be justified. It is not just. That it is approved and encouraged by people who claim to belong to religions based on love is unthinkable. That a man saying he wants to lead a nation of human beings shows hatred and disdain for half the humans in the world and so many more is unfathomable! But he did this in plain sight of us all and you are absolutely right to have the feelings you have right now. It is okay to feel hurt, betrayed, and angry. You are right to have these feelings.
But here is the real lesson. Anytime, anyone, anywhere who has been hurt or betrayed must, after the tears, make a choice for themselves. The choice is whether to let the hurt make you so angry that you turn on yourself and everything you know to be right and behave in the same way they did – or you turn that hurt into action and find the ideas and the tools to make YOUR voice and feelings heard. This is when you stand, write, sing, march, blog, create or express yourself in any other ways YOU choose.
Just know you are not alone! Do you know that as I write this there is a women’s march on Washington, D.C. being planned for the day after the inauguration? Articles are already being published by all kinds of people who are denouncing what this man has said and done. Lawyers are gearing up, people are meeting up, your mom has written her blog on your behalf and I am writing to you!
Take heart, take action, know you are not alone and that you are in great company. And… know it matters to us that you are hurt!
Best love,
Pat and Nancy
P.S. Hate is destructive – that is it’s hallmark. It is so easy to spot! Love is creative and it finds a way! Love will prevail and it is true. Love is all around you.
” Donald Trump just got a temp job. The rest of us, with all our passions and ideals, have permanent appointments. ”
This is such a great, inspiring line, thank you! <3
That was my favorite line, as well. Frankly, it’s a most encouraging reminder.
This might as well have been written to my wife, daughters and granddaughters. They hurt too from the distain. Someone said, “Create a world you want to live in” and forget the things you can’t control because those things will sap your energy. I should take my own advice! My fear is for the folks that will be collateral damage from linear, non-holistic actions. For me, as one so low on the rung that I hardly care anymore about the grant-making politicians who fail the common sense test. What I can do for my family is have a debt-free fertile farm with clean water, a roof over our heads, good food and a place to raise a family away from the rhetoric. A sanctuary if you will, that regenerates the generations open to all views. And we won’t always agree either Shannon, but I respect your views, passion, hard work and bravery to explore deeper topics and thoughts and put your viewpoint forward against the fray of critical thinking. Hail to the Outliers!!!!
Here’s to the ornery farmer, Grass Whisperer, who, like Henry Higgins, is a gentleman not necessarily because he treats everyone nicely, but because he treats everyone equally ;-).
Thank you for your beautiful letter to your daughter—-I needed to hear that myself—-love to you and your family.
Dearest Shannon, of all the responses to this election, yours gave me the most hope. Your writing showed both the deepest respect for your fellow beings, yet at the same time did not mince words about where you stand. This is the kind of clarity and assertiveness to which I aspire as a teacher, mom, and human being. Thank you for sharing the blessing that you are with us all through your blog, and the blessings of your family and community for those of us far from West Fulton. I sure hope to visit one day!
We’ll welcome you when you come, Bonnie. And thanks for the reminder about the importance of clarity and assertiveness in all this. I need to hear that often.
Well done.
Had basically the same experience with our 15 year old daughter. Shared your “letter”. Al is as well as it can be now. Thanks Shannon- your wisdom is well beyond your years, and we love you for it.
I’m just glad there are daughters who are upset. And feel that they have the right to be.
the japanese are befuddled and scared by america and trump
america has been part of the support structure of japanese culture for decades
and now amer seems to be turning it’s back on the world and japan
unsettling over here
Amen sister, I’m right there with you.
As a grandmother I don’t fear so much for myself as my 3 little grandchildren, and all children being born these days, minorities, and poor people around the world who will be affected by this president’s actions, and inactions, regarding climate change.
My daughter, who is also deeply saddened by this election, sent me these words-
” I really feel like this is necessary in the growth of humanity and on our path toward a transformation of consciousness. We arent always handed what we think we want, but we are always given exactly what we need. Maybe trump will be a catalyst toward something even greater than we can imagine with our little minds. The journey might not always be comfortable but thats how we grow.”
I wish I could be as optimistic…
I’m also finding it hard to deal with the fact that when a candidate receives over a million more votes than her opponent she can still lose the election.
To All Who Have Written Here:
West Fulton is unique in that no matter what your politics or religion, there is the common vein Shannon discusses. Seems we all want the same healthy living environment, mentally and physically. Other villages are not like that. This election could divide them or define them, ostracize some, make lives miserable. Our community isn’t like that. Not to say some folks rather keep their distance from each other. When it comes down to it, we will be there for each other and we do have a cup of coffee together at community events. There is a genteelness here.
If you voted, good for you! You did your civil duty and exercised your rights. Let’s continue to do that, as we have on all levels.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I have two preteen sons and one 7-year old daughter. When I listened to Clinton’s final speech after she lost, I wept. Not because I liked her that much as a candidate (I feel just like you did about all the candidates), but because she reminded all the little girls to not let this stop them from trying. My little girl watched me, confused, as I cried, and I tried to explain things to her.
I also had an incredibly deep conversations with my homeschooled boys about white male privilege, and how many of us women feel very unsafe now that we will have a president who believes that it’s okay to abuse women.
After our talk, my 13-year old looked at me and said, “Mom, I want to treat women with respect when I grow up.”
Check. Lesson learned.
Shannon,
I know you work hard and toil. And that sometimes the struggle seems endless. But to you me, you are a hero and a champion. You speak my truth before I even know it is a truth to be had.
I, like your daughter, sobbed ceaselessly, for the better part of two days and felt a grief not unlike losing my own mother. As the dust settles some, I am seeing the positives–even living in a community that voted 80% for a man I too found repugnant. But I found myself reacting with much of his similar negativity.
So I am instead, I an staying away from antisocial media, making more eye contact, asking of others with genuine curiosity rather than protocol. He has shaken all of us awake. A shake we all needed. And grateful that we can stand up and fight for our beliefs.
I really appreciated this piece. We are not in the US, but my daughter has also had a big reaction to Hillary not getting to the White House. A lot of people are seeming to say ‘Now what?’ in various ways and places on the Internet. This piece is such a seasoned way of taking the long view, and showing us all what we can do now, in the places close to us. Keep having these conversations – with your daughters, with us. Thank you.
Thank you so much for being there for all of us. It resinates so much with my feelings. As a mom of 5, 4 daughters and one son, and the grandma of 4, 3 girls and one boy, it is heartbreaking and devastating to our family and the community we have created. I am planning to attend the march as well. My family may not all be present but I will represent us and stand up for Love of all People.
Janis Signorelli
I really appreciated your comments, Shannon. That’s a great viewpoint to take toward friends and neighbors. I too was appalled by the tone coming from the winning presidential candidate. It seems your comments are all from the blue side of the aisle, so I want to make a comment in defense of those who voted red. It was not necessarily a vote FOR Trump, or certainly not for the abovementioned parts of his rhetoric. For some people who are poor but working hard, and not liking the direction our country has been trending toward increased government (socialism, regulations, etc), toward MANDATING social change through branches designed to CONSERVE, and not having had much hope of a voice, this election at the top of the ticket was seen by some as that kind of hope of a voice/change/slowdown of runaway trends. Democracy’s great experiment is because we don’t all see eye to about how to get where we want to go, and I think your letter aptly pointed out commonalities about values. I think this election was far from a rubber-stamp of mean-spirited talk or vote against having a woman president, but much more a voice from rural middle America saying “I want to be heard too”!