It was a joyful tearful moment. Bob finished his treatment at The Proton Center last week.  Saoirse and Ula came down to be there with us. He rang the bell to celebrate the end of his treatment and banish the cancer from his body.  We hope.

We walked out of The Proton Center and took the number six back down to 68th street.  A mariachi band stepped on with us, playing Feliz Navidad.  From the looks of every other rider’s face, this was a  worst nightmare, but we stood in the center of the train and danced and sang like fools.  It was as though the band was there just for our moment of celebration. 

Then we took the girls down to Fashion Ave and worked our way uptown, lacing up 36th, 37th, 38th and 39th streets as we slipped sideways between the doors of the fabric shops, packed floor-to-ceiling with bolts of every textile imaginable.  

I grew overwhelmed with the selection and kept close to the exit, focusing on my breath and watching my thoughts, so that I wouldn’t fixate on the possibility of death by asphyxiation beneath an avalanche of silks and gabardines.  

And in those thoughts, I ruminated on our roller coaster year — shootings, deaths, cancer….And how they brought the arms of our customers, friends, family and community to hold us tight and carry us forward….And how that resulted in so many nights sitting out on the porch sharing potlucks and swapping tunes; a renewed love affair with a bari sax for me, and an electric guitar for Bob… a community jazz band filled with a few extraordinary musicians, a handful of dreadful musicians, and lots of heart….And how it also resulted in our family coming to love this chaotic city that first welcomed our ancestors to these shores to become farmers.  

I guess you could say it was our worst year.

But the awfulness brought forward so much beauty and light and joy.

Which makes me wonder if it could have been our best year. 

We don’t need to decide.  There is no ranking of the years.  There are only the lessons each one offers as we move forward on our respective journeys.  This year’s lessons were to risk more, live in the moment, fear less, and surrender to the love and kindness of others.  No matter what travesty befalls us, there is always light and love and learning.  And because of that, as we ring in 2023, we will not fear what’s ahead.  We will just continue to hope.