November first is a special holiday for Bob and me. For us, it represents our first day of happily ever after. It was the day Bob was unexpectedly fired from his job.
We were shocked. Embarrassed. Scared shitless. We had only closed on our house two weeks’ prior, and our first mortgage bill arrived in the mail the same day he was canned.
But the first morning we woke up without gainful employment, we made a discovery. November sunrises over our mountain ridge are beyond compare. And without jobs, we didn’t have to go anywhere. All we had to do was sit quietly and enjoy it. This gift from the earth burst forth in the moment when we needed it most. Fear fell away. We drank in the scene and understood that we could never accept a life that required us to forsake November sunrises in favor of any job.
So we quit worrying about employment. And when we had kids, we didn’t make them go to school. We kept them home with us. No matter how much we grow our family farm and business, the glory of being home together is the central thrill of our lives, and November is our time to remember that.
And so every November first, no matter how much revelry we enjoy on Halloween, we rise from bed while it is still dark. And we sit beside our window and watch as the stars fade and the black of night recedes, and we give thanks for our happily ever after.
This November first was like all the others, except for the fact that I forgot to turn my phone off. And just as the sky was lightening, Martina, our summer foreign exchange student from Spain, texted me. She had just learned of the latest attack in New York City the afternoon before.
I had thought it was just a crazy car accident. I was celebrating Halloween with friends and family and didn’t stop to pay attention that night.
But Martina wasn’t going to let me continue ignoring it. I tore my gaze from the window and opened the New York Times and read the story. My heart sank. I thought about the glories of Halloween replaced by true fear and horror. I thought about the families of the victims.
And I thought about the victims of the recent Las Vegas shooting. And the daily bombings and attacks all over the world. And the most recent hurricane victims.
So much violence and despair, and here I sit with my husband, honoring the first day of our happily ever after.
Help them, help them, help them, I whisper to the world, while at the same time wondering at the folly of this selfish moment of personal celebration.
The light changes in the room as I stare at my phone. I toss it down and look up. The sky is glittering like a pink sapphire. Look at me, look at me, look at me, it screams.
And I can’t help myself. I look. I drink in every ripple in every cloud, every subtly changing hue. And I don’t forget this world-wide suffering, but I can’t ignore this heaven that unfolds before me.. I only realize just how vulnerable we all are, how life can be so glorious one moment, so devastating the next. Our world is ferocious and beautiful. We’ve no option but to face the ferocity when it emerges. But when we do, its easy to forget the beauty.
We all bear witness to both in one way or another. But can we allow ourselves to see both? What happens if we only see the fear and the loss and the anger, but we forget the gratitude for all that is amazing, even if it is just momentary? If this happens, we lose sight of the ultimate goal, which is peace. And just because it isn’t here right now doesn’t mean it won’t come. We have to keep bringing it into being. And that begins with gratitude, the best antidote I’ve ever known for fear and anger. It’s also one of the surest routes I can find to forgiveness. Both are essential if we ever want a worldwide outbreak of acceptance and compassion..
Maybe this isn’t the day for celebrating the happily ever after. Maybe it’s a day for honoring happily ever right now. And giving thanks for it.
Our family’s thoughts are with all those NYC victims and their families.
….and now, sadly, for the folks in Sutherland Springs, Texas.
Pat Hults
One of my favorites is Ry Cooder’s “Trouble, you don’t fool me.”” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QilXueoAcck&sns=em.
Ron cleeve
You rock kiddo!
Ron
Tatiana
Nice writing as always. Reminds me of something I just shared recently-some grumble because roses have thorns, I am grateful thorns have roses. Perspective is everything, may we all inspire each other to have the right one, joy and beauty can be had even in life’s difficulties, sometimes it is even greater then.
Anita
I don’t subscribe to the news anymore but it finds me anyway. I do advocate for peace, clean food, air, water, single payer healthcare, and a huge change in our public education system especially for our teens. I’ve seen some positive changes. Also I’ve seen what people do to each other. Horrendous things. Professionally I tried to help the survivors cope and make different choices. I’ve earned the right to cut down on the bombardment of terror since I’ve stopped working. I try to remember to be very grateful for this accident of winding up here. I don’t feel guilty for not listening. I know what is going on. It has been going on forever. However, we are meant to evolve into empathic beings. I will always believe that.
Anita
This is an add on from the above author: http://noosphere.princeton.edu/ The Global Consciousness Project Meaningful Correlations in Random Data. Scientific proof world peace does happen.
Joy
My partner was diagnosed with cancer today and we are having to make plans for surgery in the coming weeks and telling the kids about it tonight, and thinking about how to juggle all the tough stuff that is going on. And i’m holding it all in and being organised and functional and then i read…
‘I only realize just how vulnerable we all are, how life can be so glorious one moment, so devastating the next. Our world is ferocious and beautiful. We’ve no option but to face the ferocity when it emerges.’
And it is ferocious and i have a little cry as i read that.. Cause we can’t change whats happening to us just now and we can’t make it easy. But the sun rises in all its beauty and it does help to see both. Thanks.
Shannon
Goodness, Joy. That’s a lot to face down. I’m thinking of you and your family. Thanks for taking the time to read with all that you’re facing. Breathe deep and find beauty.
Joy
thanks. I do find these gems in quiet spots when i’m not even expecting it, something potent that i read or the beautiful autumn sights and smells around me. It just helps.